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24 August 2006 

alittle bit of free writing ... (actually wrote all of this down and thought I would share)

The dreams seem so real

the sun will set
the moon will rise
hope I get the chance
to see it in your eyes

thoughts run through my head
don't know where they go
or from where they came
as I lie here in bed

does believing in something or possibly the thought of something really help us, does thanking a patron saint or believing in a mythological bird get us where we need to go, do you let it hear everything and let it go only to go sleepless at night if it doesn't come back, or do you keep it in only to know that it was safe to let it out, can we have something to do with fate and destiny, does always doing or at least trying to do the right thing really get you anywhere, I mean I know there are things beyond our control, but at any point in time can I have a say, time ......... Crawls when I need it to go, and runs faster then jack himself when I need one more second, can I have feelings that really eat me up inside even though its the same dreams that help me sleep at night, can I want and believe something so bad that it happens, or do my hopes crash like always, I know thing though, I'll rise from my ashes, I'll hold on tight, I'll smile in my dreams, I'll kick fate in the balls, and I'll be the best damn person I can be, time will bend and potential will be reached, cause I want it that bad, I'm not a figment of your imagination, I'm exactly what you have been looking for, funny how you cant see it but you say it everyday, it's not fair because I'm the one in the hard spot, and youre the one that might not make it, one day it will be real and not words but touches and goosebumps, either way I feel the tide changing, and I'm finally gonna get my pass, I might pay for it but it will be worth it ...

how is it that people get through life not knowing what is going on ... I mean completely lost ... I know I have hit on this before I for real ... how can you do something everyday and then when someone looks you in the eye you say I don't know ... and believe it ... drives me mad to know that some of these people will have to "watch my back" ... I quote that because I don't see them actually doing that from the tuck tail and run position ... baffles me ... how can people do so wrong so often and yet nothing happens but yet doing right gives you more shit ... I'm about to set myself up with a great spot so I am starting to see the light at the tunnel ... not the big pay off ... but some change to keep me along the way ... again I find myself in deeper than I probly should be and for some reason this time I think its might be ok ... sometimes I don't ... but I guess we will see ... it makes me heart beat and stop all at the same time ... Silliness I tell you ... (all this was added ...) ... the obvious is to be said ... while reading this it was simply a put pad to paper and lets see what comes out ... well here it is uncut ... so although some thing I would refine or correct ... I thought I would have done myself an injustice to do so ... yeah ...

i agree- it would have been a disservice. the age old questions of why some folks who are complete morons seem to get ahead while the folks who are thoughtful and try to do right get the shaft. i think it is because the folks who try to do the right thing actually care and give a shit. i could be horribly wrong though :)

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